He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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