So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
