I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
