spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
