Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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