I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
