paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
