Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
