so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
