somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My penis needs a shock collar
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
