I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Did I show you my penis last night?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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