obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
