Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
