Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
