Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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