I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
