Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
