I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
