Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
