"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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