She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
