He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
