Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
