eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
