Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
