Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
