Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
