About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
