"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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