I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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