This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
