I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
