what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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