He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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