end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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