i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
