I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
