I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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