sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
