there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
