i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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