shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Text me some of your sweat
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