Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I would ride that face into the sunset
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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