life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had to cum in my sink.
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