whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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