mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
