we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
