we have pet lesbian snakes
so that wasnt chicken after all
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
