maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
