The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
