I like my sex mixed with concussions.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize