There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I looked at my own cervix.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
