OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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