Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
