i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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