we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
