Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
