discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
