well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
im on a boat
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