I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
