yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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