Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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