i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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