i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
