You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
