Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
