Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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