just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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