Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
