She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
