So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It's just like the Real World with babies
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
