@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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