be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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