how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
