Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
