My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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