I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
