dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
