The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
