My room smells like vodka and shame
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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