i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Too much gin, very little bucket
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize