I am spending my child support on dildos
this beer tastes like vomit already
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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