I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
