That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
