the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
