He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
