It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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