saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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