took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
