and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
