I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
