He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
this is an emotional support booty call
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
