Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
