just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
