Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize