i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
