whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
