So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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