Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
