So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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