it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
