3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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