So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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