Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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