bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just cropdusted the office
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
