Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Found the puke drawer
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
