Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize